beautifulFREAKdotORG

The third consecutive morning waking up with my lumbar area locked and frozen causing me to walk with my head near my knees or crawling. My body will start shaking and I end up on the floor. I can sit on the couch, hunched over and breathe slowly and deeply to help relax. I currently have a heat pack against my back and when I am up to deal with the excruciating pain, I will switch it out with an ice pack. Too bad my painkillers are not easing any of this, let alone killing.

What blows even more is this is the second morning I have missed my morning classes for school. Yesterday I missed my electronic medical billing and coding class. Our instructor had cancelled last Wednesdays class. I have not been for a whole week now and attendance is critical when it is lab only. I sat around icing/heating and stretching my lower back and quad muscles so I could make it to my English class. That class I have missed 10 times already. It is a Monday-Thursday class and I am horrible at doing that many days in a row. Especially because my morning class gets out at either 11:50 (billing/coding [MW]) or 10:50 (Med A&P [TTH]) and English does not start until 2:45. I go home to let the dog out and watch some TV, do keyboarding homework, or whatever and by the time it is getting on the bus time, my mind has wandered and fizzled out.

The instructor and I agreed if I missed one more of her classes, I will not be eligible to get a grade in the class even if per sa I had an A. I wish I was not missing the morning classes but I can not physically and mentally handle the pain for that long and I would rather save up and use my strength to push through one time instead of two or more.

Times like these is when I wish I knew how to do acupuncture on myself.

I had to quit the job I had been doing for a year and a half due to it was costing me more to be in the union that works with the company than I was being paid. My medical benefits were gone because of the purpose lack of hours my boss had given me. Not to mention there was a woman that was sexually harassing other co-workers and it being in the ‘hate crime’ catagory. This was back just before Thanksgiving. I have been looking for a job since then.

This includes other retail places, pet stores, where I had a speciality of for 4 years, restaurants and fast food. Yes, I applied to about a dozen fast food places and they were not even hiring because of the economy and the people that already were working there, stoned out of their mind or not, knew that there was not another job in reach so they dare not fuck that one up.

So I am screwed. I am currently going toward a medical certificate that is already being phased out of the American Medical field thanks to the newly enhanced technology of computers that connect state to state and the doctors get to do all the other work that use to be for others. Pointless, so I need to switch but I am clueless still. I need to talk to the BTC again and ignore the fucktard Adminstration Director that told me to look into a different degree when I did not pass the prereq test. Instead of encouraging me to enroll in the classes that will get me to the classes I will need for the Radiology Technician course, he told me to look at a different field that would better suit my scores. Fuckin asshole. Yeah, time to go back to that piece of shit and prove him wrong.

HEY ASSHOLE! YES YOU MOTHERFUCKER!! Going to enjoy the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver like you said you always would? Yeah I am sure you are. I have an idea, fucking come just a few kilometers South of that border there on I-5 and meet me. Yeah, ha ha. I know right?!? You’re too much of a piece of pathetic chicken shit to do such a thing. And it’s funny cause I will probably be spending my birthday alone. You should know what that means. That romantic messed up image I have of things will and is already going through my head. I mean, really? Yeah, that’s right. But WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU FUCKING CARE?!? Yes, there are scars that had bled for you, because of you. Yeah, fuck you.

Not all the way on my fucking medications because I CANT FUCKING AFFORD IT WITH EVERYTHING ELSE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.. and other things.. but still. fuck it and fuck you. Yes I fucking bled for you motherfucker..